Kathy taught me a new approach that seemed to work magic.
Five years ago I found out by accident that my mother had changed her will. Instead of dividing her estate 50-50 between my brother and me, she had changed it to a different arrangement, which she refused to discuss.
This created a destructive rift between us that lasted for 5 years. Everyone -- including my professional advisors -- told me to forget about it and move on. I couldn't. I felt too disrespected.
My brother has impairments that affect his ability to work. I knew this concern was behind the change. But why wouldn't my mother explain her decision to me? To make matters worse, I found out that my brother had been fully briefed on the changes.
Enter Kathy Holub and her ability to teach me new skills for communicating with my narcissistic mother. Kathy taught me a new approach that seemed to work magic. In a single conversation, I was able to persuade my mother to let me read the will. In the next conversation I told her -- gently and with love -- how I felt about it. A few weeks later, my mother told me she had restored the will to its original terms: a 50-50 split between my brother and me, with my brother’s future adequately protected.
Kathy was great to work with, like a cross between a friend and a gifted teacher. Her insight and empathy gave me confidence to seek the information and respect I felt I deserved. Kathy helped me see things about my family’s dynamics – including my own behavior – that I’d never seen before.
I’m proud I didn’t follow the counsel of my other advisors to sweep this conflict under the rug. Instead I dealt with it intelligently and carefully, thanks to Kathy's guidance. I couldn’t be more pleased with the outcome and highly recommend Kathy if you have a problem to solve that requires difficult conversations.
I am so glad this is over with. You have no idea how much of a burden was lifted from my thoughts.
Janet, New Jersey
My sister and I don’t fight anymore!
Every time my sister and I talked about our elderly mother and her failing health, we both ended up frustrated and upset. Our relationship had always been difficult, but now it was worse. In just a few sessions, Kathy helped me change the dynamic completely. I’m happy to say my sister and I don’t fight anymore!
The problem was this: My sister and mother lived in Chicago, I live in New York. My sister often called me frantically to report on our mother’s latest health crisis. I’m a doctor, so I assumed she wanted medical advice. I’d give her my best advice, which she would then ignore in favor of a decision that made no sense to me.
Kathy encouraged me to rethink my assumptions. What did my sister want from these calls? Maybe she didn't want advice, just appreciation for how hard she was working. This idea came as a shock. How could my sister not want my advice?
But the next time my sister called, I thanked her for everything she was doing for Mom and acknowledged the stress she was under. No advice. We had a lovely, calm conversation. This pattern has held ever since.
I was stunned that such a small change could make such a big difference. It dramatically improved our relationship – and my stress level. Kathy helped me absorb the painful truth that my sister didn’t want my advice and I wasn’t in charge. Once I did, my life became so much easier.
Kathy is a great communicator and problem solver who helped me see the problem clearly.
RG, New York, NY
Kathy lifted some of the weight off me. . . . I started to think, “This is going to be okay no matter what.”
When I called Kathy, I was looking for a lifeline. My father had just died and I was running a family business that was failing. I was being sued by someone who had a financial interest in the company and who seemed to want to destroy me.
Kathy gave me confidence and direction. She lifted some of the weight off me.
Basically, Kathy prepared me emotionally for the mediation process, which I thought would be pure hell. My lawyer had told me to relax and leave it all to him, but I couldn’t relax. The case felt too personal.
Kathy made it clear that my lawyer was in charge of the legal case but that she could help me in other ways. She taught me techniques to keep my cool while under fire. She helped me stop taking the plaintiff’s attacks personally. She went deeply into my own story and showed me how to tell it more powerfully in the mediation. She taught me things about handling conflict I hadn’t learned in 25 years of business. She even showed me how to work more closely with my lawyer by asking him more questions.
I suddenly felt more hopeful. I started to think, “This is going to be okay no matter what.”
Things turned out better than okay. My lawyer and I made a great team and the case settled. Thanks to Kathy, I stayed calm and made a powerful presentation that seemed to affect the judge, who started treating me like his long-lost son. The mediation ended up being a surprisingly positive experience. Thank you, Kathy!
Elliot Jacoby, Montvale, NJ